I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last time i carry you out of a forest
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
