i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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