called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize