i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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