Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He passed out mid-signature
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
