His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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