gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
