I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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