ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he thought i was a dude.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
