Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
