he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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