Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
