I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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