One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
