You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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