M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize