Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
