i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
