Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
