Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
