Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
