Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
