So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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