Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
