Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
