you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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