rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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