i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
