...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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