i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize