U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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