we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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