does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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