no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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