I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was CRYING into my vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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