Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
