I could make wine with my vomit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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