And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize