There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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