Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize