i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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