Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
