so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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