I must be too annoying 4 u.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
