Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
operation have a gay friend backfired
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize