I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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