he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
