This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
