i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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