Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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