i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
