We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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