Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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