Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
