YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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