All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
