Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
