Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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