I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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