i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
