Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
