I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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