I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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