I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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