Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
