Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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