I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
