Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
