there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
