90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
