remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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