Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize