I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
