The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
