Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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