im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
