I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
