I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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