I must be too annoying 4 u.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
