My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
