omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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